just defeat.

we lost corn and rice yesterday. corn- class 3. rice- class 2. i have never been so surprised in my life. i think it very much surprised grayson's doctor as well. i have been giving grayson rice cereal for 6 months at least twice a day. all his snacks have either rice or corn in them as i have been so careful to avoid wheat. i am disheartened. HEAVY hearted. feeling very helpless. don't know what to feed him, or how to help him. however, my dr. told me about another one of his little boy patients who has all of these allergies and more even. he gave me his mom's name and number and she and i talked for an hour last night. she is the sweetest most helpful angel ever. she was so willing to tell me anything i wanted to know and she had awesome suggestions (olives and crushed up smarties anyone? we'll have to learn to love 'em). i learned more from her than i ever have at any dr visit. i am so thankful for her, her little boy has alot more issues than grayson at this point, he is 4 now. and we are adding him to our prayer list for sure. but man, its so nice to talk to another mom who gets it. who would be fine if i just broke down and cried. which by the way, i did in the middle of whole foods yesterday. all i wanted to find was a cereal with ONLY oats in it. (granted, grayson could be allergic to oats and probably is, but no one has told me that yet. he will be tested on monday). all of the "just oats" cereal had either rice or corn in them, and i felt like my world was closing in on me. i was just standing there, with TEARS rolling down my face but trying to hide under my hat because i was so embarrassed (i'm not a crier, though i've cried a heck of a lot the last month or so). it was like all of the cereal boxes were growing and growing and were gigantic and were falling off the shelves and crushing me. i'm not kidding. people take medicine for this sort of thing, and maybe i should. my heart was pounding and all i wanted to do was scream. this sweet sweet sweet man jim (asst grocery mgr) came up to me, he had helped me earlier in my quest for grains, and asked if i was ok. with a very shaky voice, i said "all i want is a cereal with no wheat, corn or rice. i have to have a snack for my boy." he started helping me look, we soon gave up and he took me back over to the grains and started giving me stuff to try for free. sweet jim. i must have made him so uncomfortable, but man he's good at his job. i know God puts people in my path to keep me moving forward. i'm still scared, not sure what i'm doing, but its helping to know my new friend who says i can call whenever i want. on top of it all, grayson has a nasty cold and a fever starting last night so we were up alot which never helps me mentally by morning. :) precious lyssa scoured her cabinets and brought me banana chips and raisins to try for him this morning. we'll see how he does with those. i don't have one single thing that i know he isn't allergic to right now, so everything is still a guessing game until we do more tests. i have to remember in this that God is good and He is in this. every part of this. i don't feel that right now but i know its truth. and where would be if we didn't have truth. totally defeated.